How To Succeed With Women

A mock article written by Erik Weece

2010

  If you are reading this you are most likely some regular guy looking for an easy resolution to life's biggest problem. Women.

  If you are a woman reading this- it's to see see another chump pretend he knows what women want. I wont pretend to understand women but surely there is a way to flat out succeed. Lucky for you I have failed in every way imaginable and it is by failure that one learns the most. This is the first key.

  I am a hopeless romantic and an idealist at heart so surely I can paint the picture for you. It differs from NY to LA and every woman can fool you in a different way. Here it is. If you just want sex don't bother reading this. You will be fine. You will simplify a woman's life by being what they expect you to be. A relief. "Oh thank God He's just like the Rest". 

   They won't say that to you but a woman can very quickly categorize you the same way we men categorize them. Sex is all that you want. Women are used to this. Now if you are the hopeless romantic type of guy then there is only one woman out there for you and you are either looking or waiting for her. If you are that percentage of men you will find yourself in "The Great Dilemma." You are an exception and women will Hate you if you are not what they expect. If you are a gentleman and succeeding does not solely rely on their pants coming off you will find out there are millions of ways to fail by doing nothing wrong and will seem to meet every heartless woman in your area code. When you set out to become the man you intend to be there will be 1000 women out to destroy you. You have to understand why they don't like us. We represent a fairy tale. We give off the illusion of love until we get what we want. That's what we seem like you see. Our romantic attempts and silly love filled giggly remarks only serve to remind them of all the lines men have said that never came true. Now here you are thinking you are different. Are you? 

   If you are there is no greater advice then to stay true to who you are and continue to strive towards true love and take each lesson and failure as a blessing. You will be mocked and ridiculed by women. They will call you a creeper, weirdo, homo, and a loser. You name it. See you don't exist. The stuff you say to her sounds like a movie, you get nervous, you stutter, and you care too much. 

     Most of the guys who went out and picked up women tonight did not care about their feelings. They Probably did not have your intentions of true love but they were what she expected and she settled. Now if you went up to a girl with your words of love chances are she is more freaked out by you than any guy looking to just take her home. Do not come across as anything but a regular guy looking for a good time. If they get any idea you want to care for them, protect them, and love them they will look at you like you are a psycho. Trust me I've been there in the trenches. We are living in an age where dates barely exist anymore and love letters are completely a lost art form. Most of the time two people get drunk enough to make bad decisions, wake up in the morning for breakfast, and start their new relationship over an omelet nowadays. It is a different time. You must not give up. I still hold doors and women look at me funny. Yes Chivalry is dead but we can bring it back to life. We have to.     
  There is a woman out there who is worth going through all this crap for! That is what I remind myself. One day I will explain all the thousands of crazy women I had to deal with and meet to find her. To your one it wont seem weird that you are walking her home for safety and not just a booty call. The way to succeed with women is to become the man of your own dreams before you are hers.

   Be careful not to look so hard. I did that only to realize my hopes were always built up so high and then let down again. Don't give up on being the exception, the romantic,and the real you for anyone. Follow your heart and know that every failure can lead you one step closer to success. You will find out who you are by who you are not. Trust me all the women in the world don't equal one woman worth everything.